And finally, here we are completely free from everything. The scent of freedom allays all the pain, that I have ever experienced. Nevertheless, I’m still afraid of being hurt, humiliated and ashamed due to my past. However, only God can judge me. I’d love not to happen all those things in my life… Mom I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I’m not a daughter that you wanted to have. I’m not even a good friend, girlfriend, relative, not even a person. I’m just nothing. Just a walking dead soul whose existence means nothing to the world. And this world we’ll be better place without me, but I’m weak. I’m too weak to end it, to end my life.
People say that: the wisdom comes from the experience, from pain that we suffer from, from emotions and unsuccessful goals and unfulfilled wishes which are bottled up forever in our memory. But God I have never wished for such a pain to gain wisdom. I’ve never wanted difficulties and suffer that I had to face and feel.
However, we are powerless when we have to face challenges and difficulties in our lives. Mostly when we are forced to do it alone. Mom, Dad I wish you were here, I still need you and your helping hand. I can sacrifice myself to feel your warm hugs and listen to your soft voice that eased me. . . but mom I’m not even able to remember your voice, because you left me alone. How could you do this to a little girl who needed mother the most? You both left me alone in the darkness where I could hear my feeble heartbeat and feel how the blood in my body was getting colder and colder till it finally stopped moving.
I am sorry for scolding you. You tried to give me secured life by doing your best. I wish I had been with you on that damn night. I wish I was with you and not kissing your cold stones. I do hate cemeteries since my childhood.
Mom, dad I promise I’ll give her the life I’ve never had. I’ll do my best to be a good mother. I’ll protect her even if I have to sacrifice myself. She won’t be afraid, humiliated or ashamed like me. And I have a faith that God will take revenge for me because of the people who hurt me. But I need to clear my mind in the beginning, so I have to burn my past. Burn every detail that I have written about my past since my childhood, since everything has begun.
I went home and jumped on a couch to take a rest and clear my mind for a while and I feel asleep before my phone rang.
-Hey Tess. I need you as soon as possible.
-Calm down Sarah and tell me what’s up?
-I Think I’m giving a birth.
-On my way.

ავტორი" ნ.ჯიმშელეიშვილი
გამარჯობა მეგობრებო. სამომავლოდ მინდა ამ ისტორიის წიგნად გამოშვება თუკი მკითხველი მეყოლება და გამოხმაურება ექნება. მადლობა ყურადღებისთვის.